Books I've Loved: Lovely, Dark and Deep by Amy McNamara

Lovely package my copy arrived in - thank you Amy! 

I loved this book. Wren is a great character, and her interactions with others are believable. She's eighteen, spending a year after high school living at her artist father's house in the Northeast. All she wants is time alone to process life as it was and is - two very different variations. At heart she's a photographer, but she's put away her camera. Seeing the world is painful, and she feels like there's a false veneer she was led to believe all her life that has been stripped away.

Poetry is always just beneath the surface. From the title, I was a bit afraid Robert Frost would overshadow the story. But instead his appearance is a small one, with Larkin the poetry that Wren connects with as an extension of her own feelings. Poetry is not used as a gimmick or an easy spandrel. It is a realistic part of the world. Which is to say, it comes and goes at the moments when Wren needs the words.

Along with the setting and the use of the present tense, the poetry gives the book a feeling of suspension in time. This mirror's Wren's situation, and helped me to connect even more with her.

Wren's in the process of grieving over a lost friend, but her experiences are also related to depression. McNamara's writing provides a realistic window into how such an experience affects not only the person in the center of these emotions, but also everyone connected to her.

This is a big book, much thicker than most other YA novels on my shelf, but I never lost interest or felt the story flagged. This is one of those books that is a great companion, and I was sad to finish the story and place it on the shelf.

One last note: the cover art and binding are gorgeous.

*I received this book as a giveaway on Nova Ren Suma's blog, 99 distractions.*

MFA Flashback: The Bound Thesis

Once I defended my thesis, the graduation process was far from over.

I was elated to be done with the oral defense of my thesis. It was a wonderful experience, and one that prepared me for future job interviews. But the saga of the thesis copies had yet to begin.

As a graduate student, your thesis becomes part of your university's legacy. The library, your department, and often your advisor will want a bound copy of your thesis. You may say, "that's nice, I bet I could just whip up a cost-effective copy through a print on demand service." But no! Alas, the path through this final requirement is much thornier.

In order to graduate, you have to organize the printing and binding of your thesis. The format must be approved by the Graduate School, and must include strange formatting like 1.5" left margins. The student is responsible for printing four copies of the thesis on 100% cotton paper, and then the university library organizes the binding of each copy.

To make a long story short, I will say that organizing the printing and delivery of your thesis from the other side of the country is a fate I do not wish upon you. If you find yourself in such a situation, I hope you are as lucky as I was and have an amazing department mastermind on your side like Leah Aronow-Brown.

Once my printed, unbound copies arrived at the graduate school it marked the last hurdle needed to confer my degree.

Now I had to wait.

The binding process takes a long time. Usually, they will not arrive until several months after your graduation date. I graduated in the summer, and I received my bound thesis copies yesterday, in late November.

I wasn't sure what the bound copies would look like. I'd never seen one in person. So I began daydreaming about green cloth covers with gold embossed letters, artisan embellishments in the interior cover.

But the thesis copy is more of an academic document, bound to be shelved in a library archive. It is still lovely, but in a more sterile way.

The cover is black but looks kind of plum in a certain light

Shadow in a rare still photograph

This thing is thick - a solid 1 1/2 inches.
The page total is right at 150.

The side is printed with my last name at the top
and the bottom has the date of graduation, August 2012.

Woot!

Still, it's pretty cool to see my name stamped into a book cover.

As a general warning: thesis copies are expensive. Paying for them was a joint graduation present from my mother and father. Some of the copies are mandatory, like one for the library and one for your department. You cannot graduate until those copies are paid for and arranged.

But you also have the option of ordering additional copies. My family members wanted copies, so we ordered several. I wish I had made a separate version of my thesis for my family and a few friends, either through a print on demand site or as a xeroxed and hand-crafted zine. I could have designed a lovely cover for it no problem, and would have made sure to include an Acknowledgements page (which in the rush and stress of my thesis defense I forgot to include in the university version).

I'm submitting several of my thesis stories to journals, both literary and genre, so I don't want to put them up on amazon as a collection at the moment. But a private copy for family would not be considered publication.

I think I might go ahead and see if I can make a few copies of my thesis this way. There are still family members who won't get a library bound copy, and friends and advisors I'd like to thank for their help during my MFA years. Mark Pantoja's Kickstarter short story collection was beautiful, and sits proudly on my shelf. I'd like to have something lovely to give to my friends as well.

But I think it is also oddly fitting that my thesis, This Apocalypse Won't Last Long Enough, looks like a book that would survive the apocalypse and might be found in a government stronghold that a few straggling survivors use as a way station.

My First Novel: Stepping Stones in the Mire

I recently applied for a fellowship that had me rummaging through my files for a screenplay I wrote during graduate school. I began the screenplay during an Introduction to Screenwriting course and expanded it during an Advanced Screenwriting independent study. When I opened the file with the name of the screenplay I had worked on during grad school, it was as I remembered it - a bit of a mess but with some great visual scenes.

I set into work revising it for a few minutes and then something ticked in my brain. Wait - what was that other file in my screenplay folder?

I went back and there was a title I didn't recognize. I opened the document and I remembered - I'd spent weeks rewriting the screenplay during the stint when I'd wanted to switch my graduate thesis focus.

This version - the revision of my graduate screenplay - was really good. The scenes were specific, the characters three-dimensional, the push of the story more likely to grab a reader or viewer and pull them in. It was surprising how big the distance was between the two versions. There was a leap from idea to execution, from mucking about and finding the story to telling the story with confidence.

Photograph by clrcmck
Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License

I'm working on my first novel, aided by goals with my writing buddy, NaNoWriMo word counts, and nudges from writing friends. What I've found interesting so far is that I can already tell the difference between my original story concept and where the novel is headed. I spent quite a while brainstorming about this story, but nothing clicked until I sat down and started writing.

My worst enemy in this writing process is the voice inside my head saying that this is all crap. And of course this book will need to be revised. Of course. That's when the book is really going to start to sing. I can't catapult myself from one shore to the other via the clean air. I'm going to have to wade through the water.

Looking at an early and late draft of my own writing at this point, when I'm feeling adrift in a big project, has given me the drive to keep going. I'm confident that I can revise this novel and make it cohesive, deeper and brighter than this first draft. The strange trick is freeing myself to write without beginning that revision process too early, starting off an endless cycle of editing myself out of the story before it is even written.

How's your novel going?

Waylines Magazine: New Market for SF Stories and Films

David Rees-Thomas was in my Clarion West class in 2011. He's a wonderful fellow - a sharp reader, a lovely poet, and a good friend. He's been a Managing Editor at Ideomancer for a while, and he's decided to start his own magazine along with Darryl Knickrehm, whom I do not know but who has stellar design skills.

The new magazine is called Waylines: Speculative Fiction and Film. They're looking for submissions of short stories and short films. Their website is professional and easy to navigate, and they will pay $40 per story. It's a great market, and I'm looking forward to reading the first issue. 

There's also a Kickstarter project, where you can get very cool postcards and such along with issues of the magazine. 

Here's their Kickstarter video. It's short (under 3 minutes) and is really well-done. 

I'm going to back this project on Kickstarter because as a writer I want to support great new venues for the fiction I love to read and write. And I know this is going to be a wonderful magazine.

Here's a quick peek at their Kickstarter progress, in case you'd like to contribute, too.

MFA Flashback: Visiting Writers

J.T. Dutton and Me, 2010, Photo by UAF staff photographer

One of the best experiences during my time as an MFA student was the visiting writer series that my department sponsored. Even though we were in Alaska, my program brought amazingly talented and accomplished writers up to visit.

The visiting writer would give a lecture on Thursday afternoons about their craft interests and areas of expertise. These lectures were open only to MFA students and English faculty, so they were cozy affairs where you really got to  know the writer and ask questions. And the writer had time to respond to those questions slowly and with care. It was almost like taking a seminar class with the visiting writer.

On Friday evenings the writers gave a public reading open to the entire campus and community, followed by a book signing where the local bookstore provided copies for sale.

But there's another element of the visiting writer that takes place earlier in the week, around Wednesday or Thursday.

Second and Third year MFA students have the opportunity to participate in a one on one manuscript discussion with a visiting writer. The visiting writer only meets with a few students (there isn't much time for more), and there are usually around six visiting writers each year. So meeting with a visiting writer is a once in an MFA experience for most of the grad students in my program.

My thesis advisor asked me if I'd like to meet with YA author J.T. Dutton, and I was ecstatic at the chance. I emailed her around twenty pages of the novella I'd been working on, and wrote the date for our appointment in my calendar.

I was terrified of meeting Dutton. I was afraid she'd throw my manuscript in my face and tell me I was a horrible writer and that I shouldn't have wasted her time with my silly story.

Instead, she gave me one of the best critique sessions I've ever received. She went over some language and pacing edits with me that snapped the opening of my story to life. It was amazing to watch my story wake up from my lumbering prose just by a few scratch marks through extra words, a few arrows to rearrange sentences in the paragraphs.

Next we moved onto larger discussions about story, and about writing YA. It was the first time I had met someone who wrote YA fiction. So many of my favorite books are considered YA, but for some reason I had never entertained the idea of writing YA as something that MFA graduates did. But J.T. Dutton's novel Freaked was based on her MFA thesis at UAF. I think I had a prejudice that YA fiction couldn't be serious, and that only serious writing mattered.

At the reading on Friday night, J.T. read a passage from the end of her novel, and it is a reading that both my partner and I remember to this day as being an amazing experience. It was a beautiful passage about being at a Grateful Dead concert and the feeling of being in the crowd.

Freaked and Stranded by J.T. Dutton

J.T. told me something important during my one-on-one critique session. "This is a novel," she told me. "A YA novel."

That story is still with me, and I haven't written it into a novel just yet. But I know that I can, and that it can be as sad and serious as I want and still be a beautiful YA novel. And it can also be funny and geeky and talk about Star Trek, and those aspects might even make it a much better story.